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Embracing Simplicity and Healing in Our 40s

The biggest life changes happened for me when I reached 40.

There was a lot that had been happening in the lead-up:

  • Moving countries

  • Divorce

  • Uncertainty

  • Giving up the ‘party’ life (the only thing I ‘knew’)

  • Staying in a corporate job that made me miserable until I finally left corporate and chose to study something I had thought about on and off for 20 years

Those were pretty big life events, but as I look back, I see that while many things made me unhappy, there were also many things that were ‘safe.’ Without the tools I have now, I chose to play the game of two steps forward, ten steps back over and over again.

Because I didn’t know that was literally what the path of personal growth is (back and forward until the forward momentum is so strong it literally pulls you forward), I thought I was ‘failing’ and forever bound to be ‘stuck’ in a life that was making me miserable.

I would juggle the old with the new, badly, and find glimpses of hope, joy, and excitement, only to let fear hold me back. I created thoughts about what was possible for me based on the past.

It was hard not to—the past was so strong, it was all that I knew. I had never fully backed myself before, so the future was truly unknown. And it didn't feel safe.

The thing I know now is, it wasn’t the future that wasn’t safe, it was me.

I was so intertwined with an identity of fear, and so many of those fears were beliefs and unconscious patterns that I didn’t even know I had. I had to slowly untangle them, and as I did that, I could bring them into the ‘light.’ I could see patterns and behaviours much more clearly, and when I saw them, I could choose to do something with them.

The ‘something’ wasn’t a clear path. Sometimes it was easier than others to repattern a behaviour I wanted to change, but when a pattern has been repeated so many times, we will easily fall back to it as a ‘default’ setting when stress increases, life feels tough, or we experience sadness, grief, or fear. We go back to what is easy, even if it is a pattern we are trying to break, change, or improve upon.

This is what healing and growth are.

It is choosing the new thought, action, and behaviour over and over and over again until a new one can replace the old. Until the new one becomes the new normal.

I had to take some of the new paths (new behaviours, patterns, thoughts, and habits I was creating for myself) multiple times for them to truly land. And when I say land, I mean embody.

Embody, embodiment, to be embodied—it all comes down to how you express yourself and how you feel about yourself. When someone wants to become different, they have to repetitively choose something different:

  • Thoughts

  • Beliefs

  • Patterns

  • Habits

  • Actions

I had affirmations I would repeat over and over—crowding out the default chatter that had been negative and heavy. I had them on the notes of my phone, written in journals, and on post-it notes. Anywhere I could see them, to be reminded.

I always thought I was ‘doing it wrong,’ that surely there was something way more sexy and exciting, but really, the things that build a new identity and foundation are the things we choose repetitively. And those things are often so basic that we block ourselves from doing them.

We think they need to be something more grand, when really, it might be as simple as putting your phone down, going for a walk every day, eating more vegetables, or reading a book instead of scrolling.

But mostly, it is about feeling safe in who you are.

If you spent most of your childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood as someone who was not safe in their body (and that was pretty much all of us), coming back to safety and reparenting ourselves through self-love and self-care will give you more feedback and value than taking the latest supplement you saw on TikTok.

We want it to be easy.

We want it to be simple.

We want it to be grand.

But what if it is already easy and simple, but you aren’t choosing the basics—how you nourish yourself, how you care for yourself, how you show up for yourself, how you create safety for yourself, how you look after YOU?

So, if you find yourself looking for the next thing, the next course, or the next exciting thing to fill a ‘need,’ do a quick stocktake first—am I meeting and fulfilling my basic needs, my connection to self and others, my mind, my body, my spirit?

And if the answer is no, start there.

And if you feel stuck and need help, reach out. I would love to help you take those steps, repattern those unconscious conditions and limitations, and help you find safety and enjoyment from nourishing and loving all of you!

Want to know how you can work with me? Here are ways you can get started today!



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