On our Nourished Woman call last night, we began a meaningful conversation around The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. For the next couple of weeks, we’ll be exploring the first agreement: Be impeccable with your word.
This book has been with me for years, but I’ve had a unique journey with it that I wanted to share. My relationship with this book didn’t start smoothly, but once it did, it shifted everything.
The Start of My Journey
The first time I picked up The Four Agreements, I couldn’t make it far past the first few pages. At the time, my marriage was falling apart. I was unhappy, unsettled, and deep in a state of sadness and dissociation. The words didn’t land in the way they were meant to, and it took years before I could return to the book and absorb its wisdom.
Looking back, I can see that I wasn’t in a space where I could take on what the book was offering. My mind was cluttered with pain, fear, and an overwhelming sense of disconnection. I was in survival mode, and it’s no surprise that the agreement, Be impeccable with your word, felt foreign to me when I first encountered it.
At the time, I wasn’t impeccable with my word, either to myself or to others. I was often speaking from a place of deep emotional confusion, and I could hardly be clear or authentic when my own world felt so chaotic.
Returning to the First Agreement
When I finally came back to the book, I was in a different place, ready to receive what it had to offer. This time, the first agreement—Be impeccable with your word—hit me in a powerful way. I began applying the principles in my day-to-day life, and that’s when I noticed something crucial: I took everything personally.
It was a lightbulb moment. Suddenly, I could see just how often I blamed myself for things that weren’t even mine to carry.
Something went wrong? My fault.
Someone was upset? My fault.
Someone was having a bad day? Somehow, my fault.
I seemed to make myself the center of it all; and not in a good way. I held onto the negative, constantly replaying interactions in my mind, wondering what I had done wrong.
This wasn’t just self-blame; it was an all-consuming, emotional weight. I was carrying around so much overwhelm, like a tightly wound bundle of unexpressed pain and frustration. Eckhart Tolle calls this the “pain body,” and it resonated with me deeply.
My words, both my inner dialogue and my interactions with others, were constantly shaped by the unresolved emotions I carried. I couldn’t express myself clearly, and I wasn’t even sure how to feel the emotions that were buried beneath the surface.
The Shift in Perspective
But as I sat with the first agreement, Be impeccable with your word, something clicked. I began to understand that being impeccable wasn’t just about avoiding lies or speaking harshly to others. It was about honouring the power of my words, the way I spoke to others and, perhaps most importantly, the way I spoke to myself.
The moment I began to apply this, I noticed how much negativity was swirling around in my internal dialogue. My inner critic was harsh, often unforgiving, and rarely aligned with the truth of who I was. I would replay scenarios in my mind, often speaking cruelly to myself in ways I would never dare speak to another. Becoming aware of this was the first step in changing it.
And that was when the real work began. I started asking myself more questions.
Why was I reacting this way?
Whose emotions was I carrying?
Where could I take responsibility for my own feelings instead of assuming I was responsible for everyone else’s?
As I embraced this practice, I realised that being impeccable with my word wasn't just about my external communication, it was deeply tied to how I treated and saw myself. This awareness became a catalyst for a major shift in how I approached my relationships, my work, and my life.
A New Sense of Freedom
This agreement didn’t solve everything overnight, but it gave me something incredibly valuable; a tool to navigate my emotions differently.
As I practiced being more mindful with my words, I began to experience a new sense of freedom, both in my mind and body. I no longer needed to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders, nor did I need to be the center of every problem. I could breathe, ask questions, and allow myself to be more present.
This freedom is something I now seek to share with others through the Nourished Woman Collective. In this supportive space, we can explore not just how to be impeccable with our word, but also how each of the agreements offers a path to greater awareness, peace, and connection in our lives.
Exploring The Four Agreements in the Nourished Woman Collective
I’m excited to share this journey with the women in the Nourished Woman Collective, and I hope it brings the same sense of awareness and freedom to others.
If The Four Agreements resonates with you, or if you’re curious about how to apply them to your own life, I invite you to join us this October and November in the Nourished Woman Collective. We’ll be diving into one agreement every two weeks, giving you time to truly reflect, integrate, and apply these profound teachings in your own life. Together, we’ll explore how these simple yet powerful concepts can bring about greater freedom and ease in our relationships, communication, and sense of self.
This is a beautiful opportunity to explore a new perspective, deepen your self-awareness, and connect with a community of women on a similar path. I’m so excited for what’s to come and how these agreements will shape your journey as they have shaped mine.
The shift starts when you begin to see yourself through new eyes. Let’s explore this path together!
Carissa X
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